Quotes
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Here are some words of wisdom from various sources!  Be forewarned; these aren't all Monkees quotes, and they aren't in any particular order, but they're all good.  (Newest quotes are at the bottom of the page.)

Choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve... but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.--Joshua 24:15

Harold: Ho, innkeeper!

Micky: What ho, sire?

Harold: Grovel, grovel!

Micky: No, not grovel, that's concrete tile!

Chip: 7-A...

Davy: What number is this, Chip?

Chip, et al.: Seven-A!

Davy: Okay, don't mean it, man! Don't get excited! It's 'cause I'm short, I know.

Mike: I never knew you could get so hungry saving your country.

Davy: I come from England and I'm hungry. (strange look from Micky)

Davy: Okay, Wyatt, what you got?

Peter: Three ladies.

Davy: No good. A straight--to the ten.

Micky: 'Fraid you lose, Bat. All red ones. (reaches for money; Mike stops him.)

Mike: Hold it. That's my pot. I got a chandelier.

Micky: A chand- a chandelier? What's that?

(Mike points his gun over his shoulder and shoots down a light fixture.)

Mike: Alexander Hamilton, you have accused me of treason. Therefore I have challenged you to this duel.

Micky: Correct, Aaron Burr. You are a blaggard!

Huntington Hartford hates pickled herrings.

Peter: Peter Tork, guitar and bass trombone.

Bob Rafelson: What, Davy--Lemme ask you. What bag are you in?

Davy: What what?

Bob: What bag are you in?

Davy: Bag?! I don't get that.

Micky: You do and I'll be sorry!

Micky: You know how hard it is to get poiple flowehs, baby?

Micky: He also contains lanolin and won't upset your stomach.

Peter: Don't call me Mister, I'm just a kid.

Reporter: What fight was the most important to you?

Davy: Uh, the Revolutionary War. That's when we gave you this little island. No letters on that, please, thank you.

El Diablo: Who is this who calls himself the greatest bandit of them all?

Micky: Who is this who asks who is this who names himself who is this, the greatest bandit of them all?

El Diablo: They call me El Diablo, also know as the bandit without a heart.

Micky: They call me El Dolenzio, also known as the bandit without a soul!

Mike: And they call me El Nesmitho, also known as the bandit without no-- without any conscience.

Peter: And they call me El Torko, also known as the bandit... without a nickname.

El Diablo: So, gringo, you have decide to show up.

Micky: Yep. I showed up for the showdown. (They advance) I wish I didn't have to be here, El Diablo. I hate killin'. I hate harmin' any livin' creature.

El Diablo: Then how come you got 43 notches in your gun?

Micky: I make exceptions.

El Diablo: You don't stand a chance, gringo. I have killed many hombres at high noon.

Micky: Why d'ya always pick high noon for your dates?

El Diablo: I'm working on a dance.

Micky: Badges? We don't need no steenkin' badges!

Mike: El Dolenzio, what you're doing?

Micky: I just tryin' to mingel! [No, that's not a typo. That's how he pronounced it.]

Mike: Only differ'nce b'tween me 'n Peter is that I'm just stone legal.

Davy: This king kidnapped me, and 'e wants me to marry 'is daughter.

Micky: Nice looking?

Davy: Oh, well, 'e's all right...

Micky: No, no, his daughter.

Davy: Oh, yeah, 'is daughter's smashing.

Girl: You're cute.

Micky: Don't touch me! Secretaries of Defense are never cute. They're mean, ruthless, and power-hungry.

Girl: You wouldn't hurt a fly.

Micky: Flies, no. But, like, Russia... step backwards out of line, and the dreaded Nahudi Camel Corps marches straight to Moscow!

Davy: I don't know 'ow I get meself into these things.

Micky: Listen, while Davy is here winning the girl for you, you're gonna come back with us and you're gonna learn how to act after you've got her. Huh?

Peter: Right. I'll teach you everything I know.

Ludlow: Maybe I'd better stay 'ere.

Micky: Don't forget to free the serfs.

Mike: We're gonna go show 'em how we used to do it in the old country. 'Bye.

Micky: Say a few words to the folks.

Mike: Hello, this is Mike Nesmith with the farm report. How're you? Pigs is up twelve, hogs is down five, and cows is just fine like they are.

Peter: Don't give up hope, Gwen! I'm coming to save you!

Gwen: Well, use the service entrance, peasant!

Save the Texas Prairie Chicken!

Micky: Let's play "To Tell a Fib!"

Mike: My name is David Jones.

Davy: My name is David Jones.

Peter: My name is David Jones.

Micky: Will the real David Jones please stand up?

Davy: I am standing up.

Davy: Wah! I like the Monkees, and if you take them off the air, I'm gonna hold my bref till me face turns bwue.

Junior: So will I!

Mr. Pinter: Junior! (Junior makes apologetic face)

Peter: If the Monkees goes off the air, I'll never eat my vegetables again!

Micky: Where's Jud?

Ma: Over there.

Mike: Where's Jud?

Ma: Same place.

Davy: Please! I've got to get back on that stripe or they'll kill me.

Ellie Mae: Well, if my boyfriend finds out we been sparkin', he's liable to kill you anyway.

Davy: But we haven't! (Ellie Mae kisses him) May I rest in peace!

Jud: You no-account city slicker!

Davy: I'm not a city slickeh!

Jud: How much is one an' one?

Davy: Two.

Jud: That proves it, you fast talkin' sharpie!

Jud: You city slicker, I'm gonna put you in my boilin' vat!

Davy: You know, we can never be friends after this. We're through, we're finished.

Jud: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. (pig squeals outside)

Ma: There's someone out there!

Davy: Maybe it's the sheriff!

Jud: Cain't be the sheriff. Ma's the sheriff. (drops Davy)

Davy: You know, you bruised the gin.

Jud: I bruised the gin!

Ma: He bruised the gin! That's pretty funny!

Davy: Micky, I think I'll make you Secretary of Defense. (Peter snaps his fingers in disappointment) Petah, don't worry.

Micky: Oh, I'll surely keep it mended.

Davy: What?

Micky: De fence.

Mike: Which would sound better in a peace treaty, "We humbly request" or "Pretty please?"

Girl: I dunno. But, uh, you have nice ears.

Mike: (clears his throat) I think we should use "Pretty please."

Queenie: You're cute, sonny.

Davy: Thank heaven, so are you.

Willie: Can't tell this one from the fake.

Barney: No, not if you don't look too closely.

Micky: No longer will we suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous Catalina! On the morrow we will show that popinjay that he doth abuse the Monkees at his own peril.

Davy: What does that mean?

Micky: It means the Monkees strike back.

Davy: Watch where you're going, shorty.

Davy and Micky: Together we will march! Together we will fight! Together we will win! Together we will find ourselves in places we don't have any... business... being.

Micky: With a little more ego, he could be President!

Micky: Talk? Never. They can torture him, beat him, drug him. He'll never talk. There's only one torture he can't withstand, though; I pray they don't use that.

Natasha: Vat's dat?

Micky: The direct question.

Ambassador: Are you from the MKVD?

Davy: No, we're from the BVD.

Ambassador: I never heard of the BVD.

Davy: We investigate the MKVDG because we're an undercover organization that undercovers...

Micky: We cover the unders, and where we're under the covers, the BVD is known as the underwere.

Ambassador: So you were sent to find ballerina. Strange, I have same assignment.

Micky: Oh. Well,isn't that great. You find a ballerina and we find a ballerina, that'll be two ballerinas.

Davy: When we find 'em, we'll bring 'em to you.

Micky: Reservoir. Bon jour, monshure.

Peter: Our honor has been smirched.

Mike: What?

Peter: Smirked.

Mike: What??

Peter: Bedirtied.

Mike: What???

Peter: Well, they hurt my feelings.

Butch: That's the worst war cry I ever heard!

Mike: But how many of your gang can, in fact, lay eggs?

Micky: You, a marshal, are telling me, a Micky Dolenz Monkee, to go to a common ordinary bar and hire common ordinary criminals?

Peter: Right, kemosabe.

Micky: What does kemosabe mean?

Peter: Heheheheh. Don't ask.

Cartwheel: Water m' horse, will ya, son?

Davy: Water your horse? I'm not a stable boy!

Cartwheel: I don't care about your mental condition. Water m' horse!

Micky: How come I'm all clean and you're all dirty?

Davy: Don't you mean how come you're all dirty and I'm all clean?

Micky: Yeah.

Davy: Well, you see, you're always on about me being little teeny tiny weeny little David, you see? So I figured I'd just come down the middle of the chimney and avoid the sides, you see.

Micky: Oh, right! (blows soot on Davy)

Davy: That's charming.

Peter: If there's one thing I can't stand, it's late kidnappers.

Micky: My mommy won't let me play with toys that--that burn or bash or scratch or--or go boom.

Peter: He is between the ages of eight and eleven. He's thirteen.

Micky: Oh, I never speak to strangers. My husband's insanely jealous.

Davy: 'Ello, luv!

Micky: The Mozzarella Brothers have risen from obscurity to oblivion!

Micky: I need a song for Joanie's new movie, starring Joanie, Gregory Peck, Elizabeth Taylor, Doris Day and Sonny Tuffs.

Bernie: Sunny Tuffs? (Peter makes a face) What a production!

Davy: It's M. D.'s first low-budget picture.

Micky: You, a Bernie, ask me, an M. D., why a dog?

Mike: Work hard, play hard, get plenty of roughage in your diet, and someday you'll own this hotel.

Davy: The dahnce in Frahnce is mainly in the stahnce.

Mrs. Weefers: Oh, Davy, I dunno how to act at these fancy pahties.

Davy: I tell you, Petah, give me six months, and I could pass her off as a duchess at an embassy ball.

Peter: How about at the pahty--tonight?

Davy: Well, 'at'd be a li'le 'arder.

Micky: The director thought we should have a pretty girl in the show.

Peter: A beggar can look at a queen.

Micky: Wait!

Monkees: What? What is it?

Micky: A brilliant idea!

Monkees: Well?

Micky: That's what we need, a brilliant idea!

Peter: Where we gonna get that?

Micky: I've got it! (walks off) I've got to talk to the writers!

Micky: I myself am deeply jealous. [Yes, Peter said this, too, but Micky said it first.]

Peter: Oh, the woods are just so beautiful!

Micky: Yeah, famous last words.

Peter: Whose?

Monkees: Little Red Riding Hood's.

Peter: Shazam! (mirror shatters) Well, another seven years of bad luck for Captain Marvel.

Davy: Nah, Frankenstein isn't a good name for a singer. It doesn't even sound Italian.

Peter: I find it hard to believe he's dangerous.

Davy: I find it very hard to believe Petah.

Peter: I felt so blue I wanted to do something silly like forget about show business and go to the South Seas or something.

Peter: I can't stand here; this is the short mike.

Davy: This is, this is all gem stuff, this is.

Peter: Aren't I being silly enough?

Bob Rafelson: You've reached a certain amount of success. If that was suddenly, like, taken away, wiped out, where would you be today?

Peter: I'd go back to the Village and be a folk singer.

Bob: How 'bout you, Davy?

Davy: I'd go back to the Village and watch him be a folk singer.

Bob: Mike?

Mike: I'd probably go burn the Village.

Micky: I'd probably be dating my science teacher.

Mike: Why do you ask stuff like this, really? I mean, uh, success and stuff like 'at. Why don't you ask us stuff like, uh, what time is it?

Bob: What time is it, Mike?

Mike: Uh, it's time to go, man.

Peter: Yeah. (all four get up, laughing)

Peter: The universe is permeated with the odor of turpentine!

Davy: On the plane they were saying, "After you, miss."

Bob: (Laughs) Right. And you were kicking them.

Davy: No, I was saying, "Thank you very much, sir."

Mike: Did you know that a chick mailed herself to Davy? Davy didn't...

Bob: Oh, yeah! What happened about that one?

Davy: Some- some young lady came up with the bright idea of mailing herself to us...

Mike: And it ruined her arm. (makes postage machine noises; Micky cracks up)

Davy: And she put herself in a big box, put herself in a box this big, and sent herself up and put photographs on it. And we opened it up and this young lady popped out.

Bob: What happened to her?

Peter: Popped her back in again.

Davy: We shipped her to the Beatles.

Micky: Arrghbrryesnowhyhowcomegozapwowupdownmorelessarrgh!

I like nonsense--it wakes up the brain cells! -- Dr. Seuss

Archibald:  Stop being so SILLY!

Larry:  I laughed, I cried--it moved me, Bob!

Philippe:  Won't you zhoin me in my eereetating leetel zong?

Jean-Claude:  Eet would be an honor!

Junior:  I must help save Israel!

Larry:  The world needs a hero.  But not just any hero.  Nooo, a SUPER-hero!  I AM THAT HERO!  They call me Larry-Boy!

Larry:  Um, Bob, why do I have a shoe on my head?

Bob:  All right, señor!  Come over here and let me sing you a song!

Bob:  But sir!  We can't just barge in there and take Thomas' duck!

Larry:  Why not?!

Bob:  He'll tell people!  And then everybody will be afraid that you're gonna come take their stuff, too!  You can't run a country that way.

Hannibal:  I love it when a plan comes together!

Murdock:  May the Great Spirit watch over your refrigerator and keep it cool in a world without pain.

Murdock:  I'm nuts.  Let's keep that straight.  I've got my whole room and board deal riding on that fact.

BA:  Hannibal, what'd you have to go bust Faceman in the lip fo'?  You know you make him ugly, it'll mess up our meal ticket and we ain't gonna be able to get no more good hotel rooms!

Murdock:  Ta-rash BAGS!  I want ta-rash BAGS!  I WANT 'EM, I WANT 'EM!

Face:  Really, BA, you shouldn't talk to Murdock like that.  Gonna drive him nuts!

"But if there are many more of these ruffians," said Merry, "it will almost certainly mean fighting.  You won't save Lotho, or the Shire, just by being shocked and sad, my dear Frodo."

Théoden:  I will not risk open war.

Aragorn:  Open war is upon you, whether you would risk it or not.

Éowyn:  Women in this country learned long ago that those who do not have swords can still die upon them.

Théoden:  What can man do against such reckless hate?

Aragorn:  Ride out with me.  Ride out to meet them.

Pippin:  Maybe Treebeard's right.  This is too big for us.  We've got the Shire.  Let's go home.

Merry:  The fires of Isengard will spread.  The woods around Buckland and Tuckborough will burn, and all that was green and good in this world will be gone.  There won't be a Shire, Pippin.

Any more you'd like to see?  Give me a holler!

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